Geek League Adventures

Originally published at YouGabSports.com.

Every year, our children sit down and scribe a list of wishes and dreams to the jolly fat man in the red suit, hoping that he’ll remember them on Christmas day. Well, have we ever stopped to think about what our favorite athletes are hoping to see under the tree?

Lucky for you, YouGabSports has their sources at the North Pole, and under a condition of anonymity, we are able to publish them here for you to read, and what a way to kick off this series, but to get back together with America’s favorite golfer; Tiger Woods.

Tiger’s Letter

Dear Santa,

Hello again Santa, it’s me Eldrick, but you may know me better as Tiger. I know it’s been a while since I last wrote, but given my current circumstances, I couldn’t think of anyone else that could get me out of this mess.

Listen, I know I haven’t been the best this year. Well, I guess that depends on who you ask, if you know what I’m saying. Anyway, I’ve made a real mess out of thinks because I wanted more than I needed. Well, now I’m in need.

In the end, if you can see it in your heart to forgive me of my transgressions and naughtiness (wow, I’m using that line a lot now aren’t I?), all I want for Christmas is to be able to go back to the beginning and have a chance to make the right choices. All I want is a do-over.

As always, thank you for listening. I’ll leave milk and cookies by the fireplace as per our old arrangement. Now, I have some cookies of my own that I need to get.

Sincerely,

Eldrick “Tiger” Woods

Santa’s Reply

Dear Tiger,

Am I reading this correctly? Is Tiger Woods looking for a mulligan? Can’t get your ball out of the rough?

Well son, as you know, I am a fairly forgiving soul. I am a saint after all! But I have to tell you, you have a lot of nerve asking me for anything given how naughty you’ve been this year. I know I haven’t seen my dick since Rudolph was still a fawn, but that’s on behalf of my belly. You on the other hand can’t find it because you don’t know which hole you left your ball in.

And how much more can a man ask for getting the amount of play that you do? The closest thing I get to action around these parts is the occasional head butt from an elf in the halls.

So you want forgiveness and a second chance? I tell you what, I’ll give you something better; advice. Take some time off and sink some of those renowned practice skills into the game of life and work on your long game with the family. You don’t need a second chance son, you just need to be the person you were raised to be and that you made everyone believe you were. Stop pretending to be the man, and just be the man.

Disappointedly Yours,

Santa

P.S. – Get a better taste in women!

Scott Boras, the slimy political snake that he is, wrapped his silver tongue around recent Hall of Fame inductee Whitey Herzog. It was a classic example of double-talk by the uber-agent Boras. Here is the exchange by both members:

Herzog:

"They could win the division without Holliday," Herzog said. "You can't commit suicide in baseball. Sign one contract that's bad, you're going to suffer, so you've got to be careful."

Boras:

"Congratulations to Whitey on an extraordinary managerial career and his Hall of Fame selection today. It's understandable that a man who was a GM 20 years ago when the revenues were $1 billion -- over six times less than the $6.5 billion revenues of today -- questions the modern-day contract structure. I don't think modern GM's, particularly [Brian] Cashman, with a new ring on his finger, characterize signings like Mark Teixeira, who, akin to Holliday, have achieved near-MVP status (both second in the MVP voting in their career) and have taken teams to the World Series as "suicide". In addition, I'm sure if Whitey asks [Albert] Pujols, [Chris] Carpenter and other Cardinal players, they would confirm the value of Holliday's division-winning contribution. Again, we congratulate Whitey on his admittance into the Hall of Fame."

Translation:

“Hey old timer, go back to telling stories about when you used to buy a loaf a bread for a nickel!"

Boras is missing the point, as he always does when he’s trying to represent his clients “best interests”. Herzog wasn’t saying that today’s pay scale is out of whack in comparison to the revenue structure. He also wasn’t calling out Holliday or dismissing his contribution to the 2009 Cardinals either. Rather, he was assessing that the Cardinals as they are today, and in today’s economic environment, cannot afford to put all of their eggs into one basket. Unlike the Yankees, who Boras would like to compare everyone to if he could, St. Louis doesn’t have the revenue or the market to take the chance on long-term, big-dollar deals that will hamper the team financially in the future.

But Boras was right to bring the Yankees into the conversation, albeit on the wrong side of the argument. The Yankees spent $243.5 milliondollars on Mark Texeira, CC Sabathia, and AJ Burnett prior to the 2009 season and were immediately rewarded with a World Series title, which Boras accurately depicted. However, those contracts last a few more than one season. Here are the lengths of the deals signed:

Mark Texeira (8 Years) – Signed at 29, Expires at 37

C.C. Sabathia (7 Years) – Signed at 28, Expires at 36

A.J. Burnett (5 Years) – Signed at 32, Expires at 37

So yes, and especially with a World Series under their belt in the first season, these deals looked great in the short term. However, by the time they reach expiration, especially the contracts for Sabathia and Burnett, there is a risk that the Yankees will fall back into their 2006-2008 mode, buried by bad contracts on Jason Giambi, Carl Pavano, Bobby Abreu, and Kyle Farnsworth to name a few. Herzog’s point was more a point of conjecture saying that the Cardinals don’t have the same revenue stream as the Yankees to dig themselves out from under a mess like that.

That being said, the Cardinals would figure to be more productive securing Mark DeRosa and adding other pieces around him, like a Xavier Nady that would both add production while helping to spread the available player budget around.

Neither one is the hitter that Holliday is, but not every team is the Yankees, a concept that is lost on Boras as he tries to squeeze out every last dime. So while Boras is busy grandstanding for his client, Herzog is teaching a lesson:

Smart business means a successful team. Anything else is just a waste of money.

Previously published at YouGabSports.com